It was Easter Sunday
I f*cked up because I was supposed to visit someone in the hospital but I didn't
I sat around, apologizing to my only child for not having a family
Not waking up early enough to get to the public easter egg hunts in town, hey but she woke up late today as well. Ten o'clock on a Sunday, who does that?
I just haven't felt the least bit of enthusiasm for these capitalist holidays, as of late.
Instead I sat around dwelling.
Last night I read this article in ELLE magazine about people (women) who got rich off "ideas" they all seemed to have been pretty affluent to begin with though, except for one that had a tiny bit of a believable story, like maybe she stayed the night at a poor persons' house once or lower middle class, maybe she had a friend that wasn't fully middle class.
Here I am unemployed and not that encouraged about life.
Well, that's all I really want to say.
My mom made a turkey, that a neighbor gave us but then she left to people watch at Walmart because she's mad at me for breathing and having a boyfriend who "sleeps too much"
I swear, I feel like a parody out of mad. I would be a great writer for MAD magazine but I am not male or white. But I can predict what their ideas would come out as.
And this week I have school (like "university" school) because I once thought I had a shot at a teacher job and ended up in a credential program to teach in the state of California (someday if it even happens now). But my kid doesn't have school so our week will be quite interesting. I plan on taking her to the library. That will be the highlight of spring break.
Deborah Leon Godinez Copyright ©2013
Squanderers I tell ya!
Squandering Squanderers, squandering, time, money, precious moments, squanderers squandering; I tell ya!
The squandering.
Deborah Leon Godinez Copyright ©2013
Ruins running rampant
currents
adjustment, accommodation, assimilation
Freak-out zone bumps heads with challenge zone
Rigid tenacity
inquisitive persistence
gory glory pushed and
BANG!
I am in the Universe on a mountainous
spec of waters readjusted with adhesive
Surrounding land, the waters
surrounding environments
Science/baby
and simple arithmetic
that is all it takes to enter on your own accord
or risk upon environmental dwellings
speaking through your imaginations
Definitely ruins running rampant
Adaptation responses
and ruins become normal
support my bad habits
Deborah Leon Godinez Copyright ©2013
So I am getting you ready to really pore my all out,
My every little unsettling thing, And I think my goal this year is to totally touch upon the things that are uncomfortable.
The places where I have came thus far in my life and the triumphs and loses. The loses are not always bad things, they're just things that happen to us when we've over planned, expected too much, or totally unexpected having to fail at something. They are things people don't like to talk about so I am going to talk about them. In an eloquent way, yes, I believe it is possible to raise a discussion in public without the fear of being scrutinized. That scrutiny or prejudice should not keep people from being who they're truly meant to be! Frankly, how many times do we run into dickhead people because they are trying to "save face" be someone they aren't?
I need to use my unsettling, backtracking, fuck-up moments as the moments where I truly learn and investigate just how hardcore human I truly am.
I have to say how I feel to people who I know need to hear it. If someone is not treating me right I am going to let that person know: "hey homie (whether you're my boss or not) you are not above me in the human sense" And I have experienced this at two different jobs this year. And here I am still not completely demolished because I told someone in a particular way that I thought they were being sexist, I thought they were being inconsiderate of my time or efforts.
Take some breathers, you know, if you ask me; it is those moments in life when you have been embarrassed, or shocked, or amazed that really get you thinking about the person you truly are. And so this is who I am just a woman who stands up for what she believes in and isn't necessarily trying to "save face."
Deborah Leon Godinez Copyright ©2013
Deborah Leon Godinez
Copyright ©2013
Copyrights Reserved for all intended purposes to Ms. Deborah Leon Godinez
Copyright ©2013
We struggle immensely but not against our systems of economic ruin.
We struggle immensely but not against the broken education system or the alarmingly gigantic gap between wealth and poverty.
The system of public education is not supposed to provide the masses a good solution for their futures.
Like all systematic institutions --ideological states are there to prohibit, they are there to limit individuals from going any further. They limit individuals from questioning, uncovering, deconstructing their own social positions.
I, you see, have never accepted anyones systematic limitations. I have always believed that my perseverance and self-determination could confront systematic limitations. Even if I didn't know it, I was determined somewhere, deep down inside. Determination has driven me beyond any deliberate barriers/ limits to keep me from achieving anything I would want to try to achieve.
- the real indiscriminate struggle, however, has been against myself.
- My own torment, hurt, distress is what ails me. The damage I do to myself is the true limit.
- Ironic
Until I am free from myself will any of my triumphs, achievements, and overcoming of any obstacles MEAN ANYTHING!
Copyrights Reserved for all intended purposes to Ms. Deborah Leon Godinez Copyright © 2013
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